Mindset Monday - Give vs. Get

December 10, 2018


How do you show up in the world? Meaning how do you show up to every part of your day? Everywhere you exist - how do you show up there? When you leave your house in the morning, do you expect that the roads are perfect for you? That the traffic will cooperate and part ways for you like Truman on the Truman Show? When you get to work do you lament that no one changed the water cooler tank...again. Do you complain to your co-workers about the weather? And how traffic was gridlock? 


That's one way to show up.


Or do you wake up ready for whatever the world throws at you? Do you remain calm in traffic and allow people to merge because you know everyone is 'fighting the same battle' to a certain degree, to make it work on time. When you get to work do ask people how their weekend was? When someone complains about this North Dakota weather do you chime right in or try to redirect them to all the good things that are happening? (separate gratitude post coming regarding ND Weather!)


That's another way to show up.


The former is going through life expecting things from the world and the people in it:

1) What can you GET from certain situations.? What is this world going to give me today? How upset am I going to be when I don't get it?


The latter is going through life wondering what you can contribute to the world and the people in it:

2) What can I GIVE to certain situations? What can I give to the world around me? Can I eliminate disappointment with this attitude?


I have experience with both. 


When I worked at my old job (and all my previous jobs before that) I was ALWAYS looking to see what I could get out of my situation. How much were they going to pay me? What was my next position? Raise? Praise? Next Opportunity?  And I was constantly disappointed. The salary offered was never enough - I always had to negotiate. The raise was never enough - I deserved more. Praise - not genuine enough. The next opportunity - unavailable, out out of reach, unfair. Disappointed. Disappointed. Disappointed. 


When I realigned my priorities and my happiness and took my job at CrossFit Fargo and believed (and still believe) that I am doing meaningful work, I was able to shift my mindset. Every day I see the CFF members show up and they GIVE ME their best selves. They're happy, excited, they work hard, listen and take cues, and give a ton of effort to the workout. So it is an EASY decision for me to GIVE THEM and to give CFF my best self. I wonder how I can serve clients better? How can I help Jess and Jeremy *more* so they can do the work that I can't do to serve clients better? I don't worry about working at home, after hours, on weekends. I am worried about what I can give. 


These are the realizations I've had since my mindset shift:


1) I am sad that I showed up so poorly for so long for some people. What do people think when you show up? "Oh here's Marissa. Fifty bucks says she complains about the weather." Or "Here's my coworker Marissa. What is she going to be excited about today?"


2) I am almost never disappointed in people when I don't have expectations for what they can do for me.  I was constantly disappointed before. Now, if anything, I find myself wondering how I could have contributed more.


3) The 'getting' part takes care of itself.  We all have needs in this world. When I took a step back to figure out what I could offer the world (my talents and skills) and not worry about what I would get (salary, 401k, etc)  these are the things I was *given*:

* A baby

* an offer to be a big part of something I have loved for 8 years

* new experiences, new skills, new people 

* an opportunity to work with amazing organizations in the community

* a baby shower from a community of people whom I love and respect

* Monetary gifts for what I offered to the world I didn't expect but came to me anyway

* Time to grow as a mother and a wife

* So much more


This will tie in with a #Gratitude blog that will be posted on a different Monday but this is an interesting thought experiment and I encourage you all to try it! What can you give?


This applies to the gym as well. Rather than view your gym membership as something that you have and constantly re-evaluating what your gym membership give you. Think about what you can give. What kind of effort can you give? How can you show up for others in the gym? If you gave your best effort every day the *getting* would take care of itself, wouldn't it?



Who do you want to show up as today? The person that always complains or the person who is excited by life? What are you offering the world?


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